Weddings are magical times. There’s tons of excitement and joy—anticipation for the future. Yet something I noticed in the many times I was a bridesmaid is this…brides be stressed! But why? This is supposed to be the happiest day of their lives! As a bridesmaid, I got to see up close and personal my dearest friends stressing out, but I really didn’t understand it until now.

There is so much to do! There are minute details that I’ve envisioned and that I feel personally responsible for. There are 10 deadlines every week. There are unexpected expenses that rear their heads. Then there’s the opinions.

Everyone has an opinion. From the food, to the décor, to the venue…on and on, etcetera etcetera. We’re even getting opinions from people we don’t know very well.

Danny and I love people. We actively seek to bring joy and laughter into people’s lives. It’s a trait we share that makes me so happy. I’m also a notorious people pleaser. I like those around me to be happy. When the people I’m close to aren’t happy, it bums me out majorly. But now that we’ve been planning this wedding for two and half months, here is a truth that I’ve had to come to terms with. You can’t please everyone! It’s so difficult, but learning to say no is very important.

Here are some tips that have helped Danny and I…

1) Stand firm and know what you want

If someone suggests something that you don’t want at your wedding, or tries to change something you’ve already decided on, it’s okay to say no. You don’t have to be a bridezilla, but there is a way to firmly and lovingly say no.

2) Choose your advisors

Everyone will have an opinion, but that doesn’t mean you have to listen to everyone. Choose the select group that you will allow to speak into wedding details. You don’t have to listen to every friend, every family member and every coworker. But the people you do allow to speak into wedding planning may have amazing ideas, so be humble and listen.

3) Go with what makes you happy

Danny and I are going to my rabbi for premarital counselling. (Don’t worry, I’ll talk about being an interfaith couple in another blog…) His advice to us was if we are happy and at peace when we make a choice, don’t let anyone come in and try to rob that happiness.

At the end of the day, the reason why people give their opinion is because they love you, and they want to be a part of your big day. We have friends and family who have helped us so much, and without them we would be lost, but this isn’t their wedding, it’s ours. Every bride and groom should be able to look back at their wedding day and know that it was the wedding of their dreams.

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